epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
