John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
