oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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