whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
