It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so that wasnt chicken after all
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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