Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
