he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Success! We fucked roommates!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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