Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
