VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
