Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
