i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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