My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Someone came in the potted fern
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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