the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
