It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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