Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
