ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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