so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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