i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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