Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The air taste purple.
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