woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
