Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
