Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
