hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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