im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
