How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your cock deserves a montage
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
