i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
