Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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