If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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