its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The power of my boobs compel you
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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