JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
