You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
