Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you still have your period?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
