hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's just like the Real World with babies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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