First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
