So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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