Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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