I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
