I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
