This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
