I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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