glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
