He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
