I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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