I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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