i already hear my dad disowning me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
