Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
