do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
