just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
