You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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