I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
