You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
