If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
