I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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